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5 Important Things You Should Know Before You Decide To Have Children
They don’t ask to be born and it’s your responsibility to be mentally prepared for them.
After having my first child, I went into a terrible depression. I was completely overwhelmed and in a state of emotional shock. I sincerely believed my life was ruined.
It’s hard to admit even 45 years later that I was so sad and hopeless when I brought my baby daughter home. I thought there was something badly wrong with me. I had wanted a baby forever and I had a beautiful baby as well as a husband who was ecstatic. I should be happy, I told myself, and was ashamed of my constant tears.
I eventually got treatment and the depression resolved quickly. Initially, I didn’t even know treatment existed. However, even after treatment with an antidepressant I was still overwhelmed by the tidal wave of changing emotions and lifestyle.
The hopelessness I felt is still indescribable. I kept wondering how it was possible no one ever told me it could be like this or how I never realized the crippling weight of responsibility one feels for their child. It turned out I had postpartum depression, and my feelings weren’t altogether grounded in reality. My experience was not atypical, however, and many women experience unexpected depression after childbirth. It is horrible.
It was something we didn’t talk about back then — and still don’t much today. I seldom hear about expectant mothers being warned that they could get home with a new baby and find themselves miserable. That’s dangerous because I know, while I wasn’t exactly suicidal, I didn’t care if I lived or not. It’s this kind of depression, a combination of hormones, brain juice and drastic and overwhelming changes in one’s life that has resulted in many tragic outcomes.
So I’ve decided to talk about it, mostly because babies deserve mothers who aren’t devastated. Some of these reasons may not true in every experience, but no one should be shocked if any or all of these nightmares come up. Physically having a baby is only the first step. Sometimes going home is nothing like we imagined it would be.
