I’m so sorry you’ve Spent your whole life in this situation. I don’t know how you’ve withstood it. I cannot imagine. I do know that people like your brother can be very frightening, especially if one is a child, and more so if the aggression is intended. It’s funny people don’t understand that not all disabled people are good people — no more so than able-bodied people are bad people.
I feel sad for your mom and all the rest of the family. A tyrant is a tyrant no matter what his mental capacity.
Save your own life as best you can. I hope there will be an assisted living or institutional opportunity you can use when the time comes. Your brother needs professional help and supervision.
Your piece is raw and honest. I love your work and the way you calmly, but so articulately, shared another way family life can be when shared by an afflicted person. Sadly, you also showed us how life can be stolen by guilt.
A powerful piece, indeed.