Now it’s ranitidine we should take out of our medicine cabinets. It maybe- might-could cause cancer? Oh, brother. Now they tell me. I’ve been taking it for many, many years
Smoking will kill us. That much we do know. But vaping was supposed to be a safer alternative. Now vaping is killing young folks. Admittedly we’re not sure exactly what they’re smoking in their vapes or how much. But it’s not considered safer anymore. I mean, it’s even more dangerous than it was when the risk was only that it could blow up in your face leaving you permanently disfigured or set your pants on fire and scorch your pee-pee.
Coffee was once deemed dangerous, too. Coffee! People struggled to get off it. I wouldn’t be surprised if people haven’t died while other people were trying not to drink their morning cup of joe. I know my husband would be in peril if I couldn’t have mine (nevermind that he is anyway).
But it’s ok now, they say. Drink up! A cup or two a day is healthful. We can only hope coffee pots don’t start exploding or emitting dangerous gases.
Sucrose in any form — found in non-calorie sweetners — was absolutely going to rot our brains. But wait! Then newer studies showed it really didn’t; or no studies worth a hoot continue to claim it does. Coca-Cola and Pepsi put the aspartame back in Diet Coke. And now a bunch of us are, uh, fluffy, from the sugar we drank so artificial sweeteners wouldn’t eat our brains. However, I wonder if it’s only my experience that the stuff kills ants? And they writhe around a bit before dying, too. Hmmm.
I think it’s dangerous to be overweight, too. But we fatties will have the last laugh when the famine comes. Besides, bones that are weight-bearing stay stronger. At least that’s what they say. Whoever they are.
We’ve long been told that a breakfast of bacon and eggs — with biscuits and gravy — is a recipe for an early death. But why do I know so many live and kicking old people who ate that breakfast almost every day?
I knew an old man who always ate six eggs for breakfast. I know because my family had a restaurant and I sometimes fried them for him. He was in his nineties the last I heard and was thinking about selling his business and retiring. That ole codger smoked, too.
Chocolate was once forbidden. It was decadent, delicious, and dangerous as all get out. Now they know it’s good for us. No wonder we crave it. The body knows best. Do chocolate chips count? Because I know where some are right now.
Then there’s the coconut oil. Whatever you do, don’t eat saturated fats, we were told. They stop up your arteries and blow out your heart — or something gross like that.
But now? There can find no connection between eating saturated fat and an increased risk of heart disease. And the kicker? Low-fat food does not reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease. Most “lowered fat” food tastes terrible. We should have known anything that tastes that bad is not good for us.
Now we’re told coconut oil has a wonderful antibacterial quality and may even boost our metabolism. we can eat it, cook with it, rub it all over ourselves, whatever.
But it’s a saturated fat.
Nevermind, they say. It’s good for you.
Cholesterol was once the boogey man of the body. But now they say not all cholesterols are bad — in fact we need some of them.
I’m especially irritated about all those egg whites. Blech. The yolks are the best part. And I’ll be darned if it doesn’t turn out they literally are the best part. Something found in them is brain food, for crying out loud. Go ahead, scoop those mayonnaise-laden luscious centers out of the deviled eggs. Or just eat the yolk mixture and forget the tasteless rubber-textured whites.
They’ve been telling us milk and dairy is bad for us for long enough that legs are breaking right out from under 40-something-year-olds chasing kids in the backyard.
It turns out my mamaw was right when she insisted everyone drink their milk. And she poured herself a big tumbler of it every night; preferably with soda crackers or cornbread. None of her bones ever broke. Just saying.
We don’t know what we don’t know.
My take on all this is that it’s best to largely ignore popular opinion, health gurus, most studies, and even so-called experts. Because we don’t know what we don’t know. I believe Dr. Oz had a heart attack. That right there should have shut him up. And he’s far from the only health expert who either didn’t follow his own advice or did and it failed him. The guys who ate mostly sticks and plants and advocated near starvation as a healthy lifestyle are pretty much quiet now. Not sure if they’re dead or just institutionalized. No brain food, doncha’ know?
More seriously, there’s evidence that using our instincts and common sense may be the best health advice of all.
And anyway, I think we’ve all got a magical mystery chip embedded somewhere — upon which an expiration date is indelibly stamped — but I’ll write about that another time.
Right now I’m off to get those chocolate chips. Then I’ll have a cold glass of milk before bed.